The Cheater.

First Published November 21st 1985. From gocomic.com

Cheating. I was never a fan. I liked finding out how much I knew about something. Actually I take that back. Let me be more specific. I didn't like intellectual cheating. Physical cheating was just fine. I called it "working smarter not harder." I don't mean cheating in a sports game, but cheating exercise.

Physical exercise and me have never really gotten along ever since I was introduced to it in Elementary school. Games were fine as long as they were games. Practices were not quite as fun and by the time gym sports came along in middle school and coaches were loudly encouraging to their charges, and I was failing grade-wise too much to actually get to play in actual games so I threw in the towel and stuck with PE where no one expected all that much of my body. If it hadn't been for Tae-Kown-Do, where at least you get to kick things and generally want to avoid being kicked, I would have given up on moving around all together. Even that was touch and go and it was a good seventeen years before I got a black belt.

So me and exercise did not get along, so I never felt much compunction about not pushing myself to the limits like I tend to do intellectually, and on occasion, not quite doing as much as I am supposed to.

I would like to say at this point that since I have been doing crossfit, all that has changed. I do all the warm-ups and workouts as fully as I can all the time, and that I love it. Unfortunately, I cannot because it is not true. I. Still. Do. Not. Like. Working. Out. There have been several times in the last couple of months that I would tell my self "This is it. I cannot do this anymore. This is the last month." It got really touchy when I discovered there was a martial arts class in town. But here I am at the beginning of April doing crossfit.

Truly a lenten miracle.

Now I would like to say something like "When you cheat you are only cheating yourself." and I will say it because it is true:

When you cheat you are only cheating yourself.

One of the things I am learning doing crossfit is my limitations. Not necessarily physical limitations, I already knew those all to well, but my mental and spiritual limitations. What I am willing to put up with when no one is making put up with anything. Crossfit is not my cup of tea. It is loud, it is intense, it is fast. Walking and restorative yoga is more my speed. Speaking of yoga I found out that yoga has body/personality types and I am a "Kapha dominate type" which is basically the naturally chilled out type. Both the Enneagram (type 9) and Myers-Briggs type (INFP) agree. Of the three poisons personality types of Theravada Buddhism I am the aversive type which means I tend to think and act against what I don't like more than I act on what I want (desiring type) or just don't know (confused type). I only bring up this last one because my mind tends towards the negative when I work out as well.

So what to I do about all this? All the personality systems agree that this is not for me right?

I say "Okay." and then do it anyways. I stick with it. The limits are there. The inclinations towards stopping are there. The aversions to making the next lift or pushing myself a little bit harder are there. Sometimes (let's be honest: oftentimes) I listen to them. Sometimes I don't. Either way I come back the next session for more. 

We put so much emphasis on what we like. What brings us pleasure. We cast out what we don't like what gives us pain. We cheat because we enjoy the pleasure of being accoladed for a job well done, or at least the pleasure of not being punished. When we look deeply at this, we see that this drive is such a small thing, one small thought in a sea of forces inside us.

I do crossfit because it is the right thing for me to do to help take care of my body which is sedentary for most of the day. I do crossfit because I am not invested in it emotionally. I go to it independent of my moods, or how I am feeling (short of being actually sick). I go because it is a place where I am uncomfortable on several levels and so have to be that much more aware. I go because I hate working out. I go because I cheat. I cheat my history with sports. I cheat a sedentary lifestyle. Most importantly I cheat myself, who endlessly chants "this sucks" and when I act on that thought finds the results to suck too.

My one crossfit shirt has on the back of it "This sh*& sucks! What time tomorrow?" Everyone goes "haha!" at it, but for me, it is simply truth.